May 24th, 2006, 12:03 pm

Friendship Breaker: Whole Foods Salmon Salad

Whole Food’s Salmon Salad is so good, I lost a friend over it.

Let’s start from the beginning - my mild obsession. A wander around the WF in search of samples led me to stumble upon this treasure.

How to describe it? Objectively, salmon, scallions, parsley and mayonnaise. I hate mayonnaise. I don’t eat it. But when it binds together chewy smoked bits and peach-pink shreds - punctuated by crisp little chunks of scallions - well, mayo-hate be damned!

The first time I bought the salmon salad, I went home and ate about five consecutive sandwiches, as I worked on a home improvement project. I immediately bought another container, and worked my way through it.

Soon, I convinced myself that the salad could also serve as a breakfast food - so I’d buy two crappy WF bagels, and eat two bagel-salmon-salad-sandwiches a day at work.

But our love couldn’t last. At $10.99/lb, I felt … guilty .. about my habit. I wanted to stop, but it tasted too good.

The breaking point came during my trip to New Hampshire a month ago [pic]. I brought my little container to work; planning to bring it with me for the evening sup and the next days flight. Of course, I forgot it - and so I thought of it - nonstop during the trip.

I called my friend - sent MySpace messages, left voicemails. Don’t forget the salmon salad when you pick me up from the airport - I begged. On my return trip home, I thought of the treasure that awaited. On the Amtrack train ride, the Boston-T ride, the airport shuttle, the flight to Philly, the hours-long layover, the flight to Atlanta, and the MARTA ride back to the office - the whole trip I had one thought - salmon salad. I wanted only to curl up in bed with a sandwich and slip away into unconsciousness.

But alas! My friend forgot! My salad was in the fridge at work, no doubt that very moment being tossed as part of a scheduled cleanup. I was tired! and cranky! and hungry for my salmon salad! and didn’t feel like driving to buy more after my thirteen hour journey! and in general, just tired and depressed from realizing how broke I am and how expensive food was.

A tiny - dare I say it? - tear slipped down my cheek. Hopes, crumbled.

My friend couldn’t believe it - all this, over a forgotten container? I couldn’t believe it - how could he not know how important it was to me?

It’s been a month - we haven’t talked.

But I bought the salad again for lunch today. It’s still damn good.